Tag: Forgiveness

Called by Grace; Called to be Gracious

Published on by Marilyn3 Comments

grace-is-amazing

“There comes a point in life when our major spiritual struggle is no longer with the fact that we are weak and desperately in need of God’s forgiveness, but rather with the opposite, with the fact that God’s grace and forgiveness is overly-lavish, unmerited, and especially that it goes out so indiscriminately. God’s lavish love and forgiveness go out equally to those have worked hard and to those who haven’t, to those who have been faithful for a long time and to those who jumped on-board at the last minute, to those who have had to bear the heat of the day and to those who didn’t, to those who did their duty and to those who lived selfishly.” – Ron Rohlheiser

I am the recipient of much grace and forgiveness in my life. From my parents; from my spouse; from my kids; from my friends. I have mostly received this delicious, never-ending, unmerited favor from God.

And so I think a lot about grace — about what it is, about what it isn’t.

I’ve come to believe that it doesn’t matter how much we’ve been hurt. It doesn’t matter if we hate what someone stands for. It doesn’t even matter if we feel angry and we are justified in our anger.

If I was called by Grace then I am called to be Gracious. If we hold fast to scriptural teaching – we are called to be gracious. Full stop.

I hear the “But…but….but…” on your lips, because it’s on mine as well. I hear the rationalization, the explanation, the “You have no idea what this is like.” I’ve said the same things. I hear the cry “But what about truth? Do I give up truth for the sake of grace?” The two are not mutually exclusive – the two are made to compliment each other, to be lived out together – in tension but in communion.  Truth by itself is a prison and grace by itself is chaos. So I will remain insistent – we are called to be gracious. We are to extend grace in all mediums, whether it be conversations, comments on social media, tweets, or emails. We are to extend grace to those we love – and those who we consider enemies.

Will you extend Grace today? Will you be Gracious to those who you feel don’t deserve Grace? Will you take Abigail’s Bread and offer it to mend offense? Will you give Grace to those you disagree with? To those who you feel are wrong and undeserving? These are the questions I ask myself every day. And the answer is always the same.

If I was called by Grace, then I am called to be Gracious. 

“In the end, we need to forgive God and that might be the hardest forgiveness of all. It’s hard to accept that God loves everyone equally – even our enemies, even those who hate us, even those who don’t work as hard as we do, even those who reject duty for selfishness, and even those who give in to all the temptations we resist. Although deep down we know that God has been more than fair with us, God’s lavish generosity to others is something which we find hard to accept. Like the workers in the Parable of the Vineyard who toiled the whole day and then saw those who had worked just one hour get the same wage as theirs, we often let God’s generosity to others warp both our joy and our eyesight. 

But that struggle points us in the right direction. Grace is amazing, by disorienting us it properly orients us.” Ronald Rohlheiser

Waving Olive Branches

Published on by Marilyn5 Comments

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Olives are ubiquitous in the Middle East. Served with almost every meal, they vary in color and size, offering a pungent, salty taste. Eat them with bread and white cheese and you have a meal fit for royalty. The trees are everywhere – in gardens, along the sides of roads, and in churchyards. You cannot escape the olive branch.

For years, the olive branch has been a symbol of peace.  In early August, on my first evening in Iraq, I saw the symbol of the olive branch in a new way.

We had been invited to participate in a women’s meeting in late afternoon, but immediately following the meeting we were whisked away to a performance put on by actors from the city of Qaraqosh. Exactly one year ago that day, Qaraqosh had fallen to the Islamic State. Until that time, I had only read stories about Qaraqosh in the news. Now, I was meeting real people with real and poignant stories.

One woman, a lab technician, was walking home from work, only to have a neighbor rush up to her and say “You must leave! ISIS is coming!” She was the primary caregiver for both a father and sister who were disabled. In her words, she became “very afraid.” The next morning, her neighborhood was deserted and she saw the ominous, black ISIS flags in the distance. By a miracle, she was able to secure bus space for her family, but had to leave everything else behind.  When you are fleeing for your life, your priorities of what matters and what you should take change in an instant.

The play we were privileged to see was about the fall of Qaraqosh. The heartache and loss that people experienced as they had to leave their homes and community was palpable. Vivid color and music drew us in. The stage set alternated between dark and ominous, where ISIS soldiers took center stage, to a bright and vibrant background of churches and ancient city streets.

The play was in three acts with monologues by three main actors. It was all in Arabic, but like all good acting, it didn’t just rely on the spoken word.

There were many poignant parts of the play, but a couple parts stood out. During one scene, a  beautiful little girl came skipping and dancing on stage. She symbolized the story of Christina, a little girl who was pulled by ISIS from the hands of her mother while she was fleeing the city. Of all the stories of Qaraqosh, this one was the most difficult and symbolized all the loss and pain of a community.  As the main character reached for Christina, she was gone.

During another scene, one of the actors reminisced about Palm Sunday, a day when the whole city of Qaraqosh would wave olive branches as they remembered the coming of Christ to Jerusalem.

But it was the end of the play that left a defining imprint on my heart and soul. The three actors came out on stage, holding hands and raising them high. They practically shouted words of forgiveness and grace:

“Though the road may be long and filled with our blood, we will go back bearing olive branches.”

This play was not ending on a note of despair, but of hope. This play was a tribute to resilience, to perseverance, to faith, and to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not easy. We give up our rights to hold on to wrong-doing, we give up our rights to be victims, we extend grace to the perpetrator. Sometimes forgiveness costs us everything we have, everything we can give. But there is no ambiguity in the Biblical call to forgive, there is no grey area, there is no “but what about…?”

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy’…But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,”*

The command is clear, and I was witnessing a group that didn’t just act this out, but lived this out.

The actors on stage and the people in the audience were witnesses to a greater love, to a greater command then our human desire for vengeance and revenge. When they left Qaraqosh, they lost everything but their lives. Yet here they were, publically proclaiming grace and forgiveness.

Their grace and forgiveness was as present and pungent as olives and olive trees in the Middle East.

I have seen a lot of examples in my life of forgiveness, but this one was the most powerful.

I fell asleep that night with my heart full, the images of olive branches waving above me, images of forgiveness and peace.

*Matthew 5:44

Wrapping up the Week – February 14, 2015

Published on by Marilyn2 Comments

For those who follow Communicating Across Boundaries regularly, you know that I am buried under seven feet of snow. We have word that another 18 inches are coming tomorrow into Monday. I have nothing else to say on that matter!

But snow and indoors make for some great reads! We go from forgiveness to homes to vaccinations in today’s recommendations. I hope you enjoy them!

The Act of Rigorous Forgiveness by David Brooks is a stunning piece in the NY Times. The impetus for the piece is the scandal in the United States of news anchor Brian Williams and his lying about being in a military helicopter that came under fire during the Iraq war. What I appreciate about the piece is Brooks does not focus on the ‘sin’ of Brian Williams; rather he moves us into a deeper look at forgiveness, not as a sentimental gesture but as a ‘rigorous’ action. He then describes the steps of rigorous forgiveness. This is an article worthy of bookmarking and re-reading. The excerpt I have chosen hit me hard, because I see the tendency in writing to do those very things.

Excerpt: “The sad part is the reminder that no matter how high you go in life and no matter how many accolades you win, it’s never enough. The desire for even more admiration races ahead. Career success never really satisfies. Public love always leaves you hungry. Even very famous people can do self-destructive things in an attempt to seem just a little cooler.”

Safe as Houses by Rebecca Martin in Curator Magazine. Of all the pieces I have read in the past two weeks this piece moved me deeply. The author begins by taking us into her childhood world and the houses she experienced in books. From there she talks about houses, safety, and paying attention to those around us. But that’s doing the article a serious disservice because it is so much more. Lovers of literature will especially love this piece as she pulls quotes of home and space from a variety of sources.

Excerpt: What is the point of yearning for a home if some piece of eternity can’t break into this present reality and illuminate ordinary days with a sense of belonging, of comfort, of peace, of history, of safety, of meaning, of home in all its best iterations?

On Vaccinations and Immunity, thoughts from east Africa by Rachel Pieh Jones. You would have to be an ostrich to miss the outrage on social media about the outbreak of measles at Disney Land. I love this piece because it gives the perspective of people who live in countries that don’t have a lot of money, that are not privileged, and that understand the terrible consequences of the decision not to vaccinate. As a public health nurse this piece resonates; as someone who has lived in the developing world it resonates even more. Rachel also quotes from the book on my night stand — On Immunity by Eula Biss.

Excerpt: “When someone tells me, in the US, that they don’t need to vaccinate because we don’t have those diseases here anymore, I want to say, ‘The reason we don’t see those diseases is because of vaccines.’ Kristen Howerton of Rage Against the Minivan quoted this statistic: ‘It is estimated that before vaccines and antibiotics more than 70% of children died before the age of five.’ It is an incalculable privilege to be able to raise our kids in a time without rampant diseases that blind, maim, and kill. The diseases have not been eradicated, our kids are simply protected. And they aren’t protected because of some imaginary ‘super immune system’ or because they are being raised in an illusion of isolation. They are protected because of vaccines.”

On my night stand: Nothing new to report, but some new ones on the horizon! Namely a book given to me by my husband for my birthday Midnight at the Pera Palace – The Birth of Modern Istanbul. I hope to get lost in that in the next few weeks.

Travel Quote (of sorts!)

door Narnia quote

Lastly, Happy Valentine’s Day to those of you who celebrate! We’ve done some posts on Valentine’s Day in the past and I have linked those below for any who want to read. We tend to challenge the notion of Hollywood and Hallmark expectations in these pieces!

 

Thoughts on Baking Bread

Published on by Marilyn14 Comments

As the fall moves in and leaves change their colors, trading the dark green of late summer for the orange, red, and gold of Autumn, I begin to bake bread.

I begin to break bread when twilight comes quickly and a chill is ever-present in the air. I begin to break bread when the dark of winter is not yet upon us and the glow of Autumn shines through orange candles.

Making bread is often better therapy than a counseling session.

I think about baking bread on my way home from work as I watch the sun setting too early and feel the crisp air that will soon usher in winter.

I think about setting the oven at 350 degrees as I start the yeast rising. I think about the ingredients: wheat flour, white flour, oats, yeast, oil, sugar, salt. So simple–yet yielding so much.

I mix up the oats, sugar, salt, whole wheat flour, and oil. I add boiling hot water.

I wait and then add yeast and the rest of the flour.

And then I take the slightly sticky dough and I knead. I knead and I pray.

I start global and I go local. I pray for Egypt and Pakistan, for peace, for mercy. I pray for the chasm of misunderstanding between East and West. I pray for Syria, that a miracle will happen. I pray for my family, that my children will know the joy of baking bread, of creating, of loving, of forgiveness and forgiving. I pray for my parents – thank God for them and what they have passed to me.

And then I pray that I will forgive more and judge less, that I will find my strength and security in the One who is the bread of life,

I pound harder on the bread when I’m upset, when I feel hurt or anger rise to my eyes and heart. I concentrate deeply as I think about life in all its hard and all its good.  And as I do the bread becomes smoother under my hands.

This time in the kitchen, baking bread? It is holy time, holy work.

I set the bread to rise and I thank God for bread and for life.

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The Grace of Forgiveness

Published on by Marilyn5 Comments

forgiveness, Little church around the corner

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5: 23,24

My housekeeping the soul began with something called ‘Forgiveness Sunday’. For this Protestant making the journey to Eastern Orthodoxy this was a new practice. So I began the dusting and polishing of my soul by going to each member of the body where I worship – man, woman, and child, and saying these words while they responded with the same:

Forgive me, A Sinner.

I bowed to the ground before them, prostrating myself, taking on a posture of humility.

God Forgives, I Forgive. Blessed Lent.

For those who were deaf, we learned how to sign. And sign we did.

I did this maybe eighty to a hundred times ……

My sore legs bear the memory of this remarkable time.

I had heard of this practice for a while. But actually participating in it was indescribable. In a society that finds it hard to admit wrong, harder still to ask forgiveness for wrongs committed, we were a group prostrating before each other asking for forgiveness.

This then is a step of soul care – asking – and then receiving – forgiveness. The blessed gift and grace of forgiveness.

Can we, can I, even imagine what could be accomplished if we walked daily with a spirit of “Forgive me, A sinner”, never failing to recognize the grace of forgiveness?

Housekeeping my soul, fully aware of the Grace of forgiveness. It was, and is, a good place to start.

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“There is No Future Without Forgiveness”

Published on by Marilyn11 Comments

I have a couple of friends who do not believe in Hell. One claims she would mete out justice by taking those who have committed heinous crimes and throw them to the deepest part of the ocean – there they would languish under hot sun, salty water, sharks, storms and more. Death would come but not without fear and fight. When asked about forgiveness, reconciliation or restoration the answer is simple and forceful: there are some things that can never be forgiven, never be restored.

She is not alone – indeed we all have our views of what justice should look like. In the recent Aurora shootings the alleged killer was put in solitary confinement in a jail; he was not safe with the other prisoners who, though breakers of the law themselves, found this to be a heinous crime — one they would have punished.

In recent years International Criminal Tribunals have risen in response to atrocities committed around the world. There is wide support for these tribunals; Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch and others keep a global eye on tribunals that are held, ensuring that there is justice.

But Daniel Philpott in an excellent article in First Things poses the argument that these tribunals are focused primarily on punishment and neglect reconciliation. One could ask “Does true healing ever take place without reconciliation?” 

And can reconciliation ever take place without forgiveness?

Archbishop Desmond Tutu, chair of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission says emphatically to his fellow country men “There is no future without forgiveness”. 

We are in a world that cries out in pain – a world that desperately needs to have forgiveness and reconciliation modeled. At its core the Christian message is a drama of reconciliation acted out on the world stage through the cross.

Is it a drama we can reproduce, replay, and reenact through our own willingness to forgive – or is it a one time Oscar-winning performance? It’s a question I have to ask myself every day. 

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Abigail’s Bread

Published on by Marilyn19 Comments

Breads and bread rolls at a bakery

I knew there had been offense. I had said things. I had done things. And I was sorry. I was so sorry – for the hurt, for my mouth running away without consulting my brain, for my meanness, born out of my pain. The person had done nothing to warrant my rage. They just happened to be the one present when I lost it.

“Against you and you only have I sinned and done what is wrong in your sight” The words of Psalm 51 echoed in my head. “Against against against you you you only only only” – as though I was yelling across a mountain, the valley between. The realization echoed as well – I had sinned against God – and I had also wronged another.

I needed Abigail’s bread.

The story of Abigail’s bread is from the Old Testament. Abigail was first the wife of Nabal, a mean and surly man we are told.  She was intelligent and beautiful and when she saw there had been an offense toward a group of men, she acted. She prepared bread, wine, sheep, grain, figs, raisins – a regular feast, and she set off to make it right. She didn’t know how she would be received but compelled to go, she went in faith.

So I baked bread and set off. Nervous, stomach aching, heart pounding, not sure how I would be received. But there had been offense and I needed to make it right. I didn’t have the wine or the sheep, the figs or the raisins, but I had bread.

And God graciously softened the heart of the offended and the bread was accepted.

This story in the Old Testament is amazing. It is a story of a strong woman, a smart woman, and a woman who loved God. She would not be paralyzed by offense; she would act.

I have witnessed much offense in the last few days. Not in person but over the internet and I wish that I could intervene. Through the medium of comments, people’s mouths have not been connected to their brains and there is hurt. I desperately want to bake bread and intervene.

And so this blog post – this is my offering; my “Abigail’s Bread”. In life there is a lot of offense. I offend, and I am offended. But knowing there is bread, both Abigail’s and the body of the One who died for offense is hope indeed. Today may you both give and taste Abigail’s bread; bread that offers pardon and hope.

18 Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. 19 Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal…..23 When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. 24 She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say……27 And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you.28 “Please forgive your servant’s presumption…..32 David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. 33 May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands.”….35 Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, “Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request.” (excerpts from 1 Samuel 25 New International Version)