fathers day – Marilyn R. Gardner

Fathers? Optional or Essential?

Published on June 13, 2013June 13, 2013 by Marilyn21 Comments

An open letter to my husband in response to the question “Are fathers essential?”

Dear Cliff,

Happy Father’s Day! As the man behind the blog I’ve chosen to write an open letter to you this Father’s Day, a letter for the world to see.

We’ve had a brave marriage. Through continents and crises, through baby births and toddler tantrums on three continents, through poorer and richer, through working and unemployment, through silence, through arguments, through Grace – we’ve covered a lot of ground.

And both of us know that there were times when we wanted to walk away. When no amount of Grace seemed enough. But somehow it always was, and like the loaves and fishes we then picked up baskets full of leftovers. Leftover Grace. Amazing it’s been.

And through this all you’ve been a dad and a father to our kids.

It seems that we are in an era that is both divided and schizophrenic about the role of the ‘father’. On the one hand President Obama said this about fathers in a 2008 Father’s Day Speech:

“We know the statistics — that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.”

And indeed, Obama’s words are backed by research. So much is this the case that the Federal Government gave out “$150 million for each of Federal fiscal years 2006 through 2010 to promote and support healthy marriages and responsible fatherhood.” * A 127 page document titled “The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children” supports the idea of a father being “essential”.

The table of contents alone provides a guide to the role of fathers and includes such things as provision and protection, the impact of the father on cognitive ability, and the importance of father as a ‘guide’ to the outside world.

On the other side, Judith Stacey, a sociology professor at NYU (the school that gave our son so little financial aid you were compelled to write the Dean) said “Children certainly do not need both a mother and a father”. (emphasis mine) She goes on to suggest that “three parents might be better than two” and that “Obama is dead wrong”.

So in her eyes, indeed in the eyes of others in society as well, fathers are optional, not necessarily the accessory of choice for the modern feminist.

While sperm is essential – fathers are optional.

The infamous ‘they’ tell me that you, as father, are not essential to the well being of our kids. Perhaps Stacey had a traumatic upbringing, perhaps she’s lost some grey cells – irregardless I offer here some places where you are ‘essential’.

While I pull our children in, you draw them out.

While I create home, you create adventure.

While I worry about nutrition, you make sure of fishsticks and fun.

While I worry about being too loud, you encourage them how to be loud.

The foundations of our family are stronger, because you are essential.

Our kids travel the world with more confidence, because you are essential. Our kids understand the difference between people-pleasing and strong opinions, because you are essential. Our kids laugh more because you are essential.

From traveling through Swat Valley(now being effectively droned by our present administration) to staying at hotels in San Diego – You are essential. From surprising us with “Yes” gifts to unexpected postcards and treats – You are essential. From Arabic, to Persian, to Russian language learning – you are essential. From understanding Southern Baptists to moving towards Eastern Orthodoxy – You are essential.

The evidence is irrefutable: You.Are.Essential.

So those who may dismiss the role of the father can go and sip martinis at a bar alone on this Father’s Day. We’ll be partying it up with an Essential member of our family – the Father.

There's No Such Thing as a Picture-Perfect Family!..

Father’s Day Quotes and Sayings | Best 2013 | In English (whenfathersday.wordpress.com)
Guest Post – Reflections on a Father by Micah Gardner

Father’s Day, Fenway, and Why Rich People Don’t Do “the Wave”

Published on June 21, 2012June 21, 2012 by Marilyn21 Comments

Celebrating a late Father’s day gift last night, we walked to Fenway Park and cheered on a Red Sox vs. Miami Marlins victory.

It was magic. (This from a non-sports person!) Anyone who knows me can tell you I know little about U.S sports culture, but in recent years I have enjoyed some sports events, seeing them as small entries into another world, another culture. I have ceased waxing wise about their faults and begun seeing them as places of learning and enjoyment. And Fenway is nothing if it is not going into another world. Fenway is a cultural icon.

From Fenway Franks, those hotdogs that anywhere else would not taste as good, to fans toting beer in small plastic cups, to “the wave”, to Grand Slams, to singing “Sweet Caroline” at the top of our lungs, it is, and was, a cross-cultural experience.

I always imagined that “the wave” was unique to the U.S but found that is not true. While there are arguments about where and how it originated, it is a standard part of sports spectator behavior worldwide. It is usually set into motion by a dozen or so fans and consists of standing, raising your arms to the sky and sitting immediately afterward. The motion carries forward in a clockwise direction and in a large crowd it is an amazing site to see “the wave” move around a stadium in full force.

But last night we observed something curious. “The wave” was going strong around the stadium, starting in bleacher 39 and moving forward with strength – until it reached the box people, the rich people. And there is where it faltered almost ready to die. It was as if “the wave” was beneath them, as though we, the commoners, were the ones low enough to carry the motion.

Why do you think this is? Were they so busy watching the game that they didn’t see “the wave”? I don’t think so. I think it’s about security and image. And if there was doubt before, after last night all doubt is gone – rich people don’t have as much fun as those with less. Box seats, season tickets and a bank account to match and yet there is not enough security to break out of a mold and do “the wave”? It sounds like a type of prison.

With money comes an image, an image that is carefully cultivated and groomed. It is dependent on the stock market, interest rates and who you know. And evidently that image doesn’t include “the wave”. What do you think?

Toucher & Rich: Fred Hates Fenway Park (boston.cbslocal.com)
100 Years of Fenway Park

Reflections on a Father

Published on June 17, 2012June 17, 2012 by MarilynLeave a comment

Happy Father’s Day! This one is worth a reblog.

Marilyn R. Gardner

Today is a guest post written by my son Micah on Father’s Day. I hope you enjoy this personal reflection on his faith and his father. As always, thanks for reading!

Someone once told me that a person’s conception of God is shaped by who his or her father was during childhood. An authoritarian father paves the way for a legalistic view of God and His law. A father who protects prepares his children to trust their heavenly father, even when stepping out in faith. Perhaps an absent father makes one doubt that God exists at all, or that if He does, He’s definitely not a good God.

If I apply this basic, if not facile, theory to my upbringing, and I think of my dad as an analogue to my creator, then God is intelligent, talkative, proud of His children, forgets the lyrics to pop songs but sings them…

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Guest Post – Reflections on a Father

Published on June 19, 2011June 17, 2012 by Marilyn7 Comments

Today is a guest post written by my son Micah on Father’s Day. I hope you enjoy this personal reflection on his faith and his father. As always, thanks for reading!

Intelligent? Judging from the architecture of the human mind, God, the creator, is definitely intelligent. And so is my dad. His ability to retain and interpret information is astounding. He goes to anew city, and within hours it seems he’s an expert. This dynamic occurs so often that I believe it’d be egregious if he chose not to become a tour guide when he eventually retires.

Talkative? God may seem silent, but through reading scripture, praying, and living in community with other Christians, I hear God talk a lot. Same with my dad. He’s definitely a talker. When you listen close, you stop hearing only the words that are coming out of his mouth, but also the psychology behind his talking. My dad is predisposed to make connections. When he meets a stranger, it takes no time at all for him to find some point of relation between the stranger’s life and his, and my dad can – and will – run with it. Rare is the moment when a conversation with him loses momentum. Usually it’s a matter of gaining momentum, so much so that we’re juggling five topics at once and I have to hang up the phone because my cellphone battery is about to die.

Proud of his children? I’m not sure if God is proud of me, per se, but He said that He was well-pleased with Jesus. Believing in the blood of Christ, I know that I’m covered with his cloak of righteousness, so, in a way, God is proud of me as His child. My earthly father is also proud of me. When I show him a new animation of mine, or tell him about a professor’s affirmation of my work ethic, or get married to a beautiful woman (as I did this past April), I can feel my dad’s pride emanating from each sentence. It warms my heart and mind, so much so that I sometimes look forward to finishing a project just so that I can send him an email about it and hear his encouraging feedback.

Forgetting lyrics? Here’s where the theory collapses. I’m not so sure that God forgets lyrics, so maybe that’s a flaw in my dad that will be exorcised in heaven. If you’ve ever heard James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful”, then you’re in for a treat to hear my dad’s rendition, which erroneously repeats the chorus and adds in words that I’ve never heard in any song before…. “you’re beautiful, tha’s fo’ sure (sho-ore)”

Sense of humor? God has a sense of humor, and to me it’s best manifest in His creation of the sloth. My dad’s sense of humor is much less subtle. My dad’s a trickster. I have memories of us going to friends’ homes at 9pm (past my bedtime at that age), hiding in the bushes, and scaring them through their kitchen windows, which always gave my dad a big kick. My dad’s a goofy dancer. At my wedding, my dad and my father-in-law did a dance-off to Rihanna’s “Umbrella”, and all the guests stood around falling over with laughter. My dad’s a comedic storyteller. He’s lived through so many absurd scenarios (partly by his own propensity) and the outcome is permutation after permutation of the same story, though milked for optimum humor. If some people tell stories in black and white, others in color, still others in 3D… my dad tells stories in the medium of virtual reality. I don’t like to admit it very often, but I know my sense of humor, my yearning to bring colorful energy into dull rooms, is from my mom and him.

Theory (accurate or not) aside, I know my dad is a true reflection of God and his son Jesus Christ. My dad is loving and compassionate, especially empathetic to the plight of the lost and the disenfranchised. He sees sports for the silly, childish games that they are, and I’m guessing God looks at ESPN that way, too. My dad longs to bridge cultures in a way that God longs to be a universal God to all of us, not just Americans or Westerners. All told, this Father’s Day I’m grateful that the title given to my dad (father) is such an apt reflection of my Heavenly Father. It’s made for a clear vision of who God is in all His power and mercy. I love my dad and I love God. Happy Father’s day!