It seemed to me that it was at the 100th Alleluia that I finally let my guard down, put the tension and burdens of the week at the foot of the cross, began to look up instead of down and across.
Sometimes it takes a hundred Alleluias – sometimes it takes a thousand.
Somewhere during the process of saying the words I allowed myself to give up being a poor substitute for a deity and allow God to be God. I began to give up my need to control and offer up reins and a mouth bit to a Holy God. I realized that the depth of my heart cried out for miracles, even as my head refused to believe they were possible.
It’s at that hundredth Alleluia and the fiftieth ‘Lord Have Mercy’ that my soul begins to believe the words and rest in the God who made me – the Giver of all Life.
Today? Today it make take a thousand. But of this I am assured, the resting will come.
- The Alleluia After Epiphany (prayers4reparation.wordpress.com)