“Good decisions require creativity and creativity requires space “
The other night I woke up to fierce wind and rain. On the right side of the house an alley way created a wind tunnel and I could hear the wind howling through it. This house is still new to us and the sounds are unfamiliar. I lay listening for while, thinking of the fierce wind, of storms, and of the comfort of my bed within the storm. There is something deeply comforting about feeling safe during a storm. It is a privileged comfort.
I don’t always feel that way. There are times when storms make me feel deeply afraid. But not the other night.
For those who have been following along with me, my journey and the sometimes storm of our transition continues.
During this time I’ve found it difficult to make decisions. It makes sense. We made a massive decision a year and a half ago that included many smaller decisions along the way. Then in May, a decision was made far above us that changed our lives. This resulted in us making another massive decision and smaller decisions along the way. The result is that I have felt trapped in decision making.
When I am feeling low, the questions are heavy and unrelenting. How do I know what decisions are right? How do I decide what to do next? Our lives were turned upside down two years in a row. What does that mean? Did we make the wrong choice even though it felt so clear at the time? Or did we make the right choice, and nothing and no one could have predicted what came next? Asking too many of these questions is not healthy. It spins your head and your heart and you end up not trusting yourself with any decision.
One of the ways I have chosen to walk through this season is by reading Emily Freeman’s latest book The Next Right Thing. The subtitle of the book is “A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions.”
Before Freeman even addresses decision making, she introduces some foundational concepts that are key to being in a place where you can make good decisions.
Her first concept is to become what she calls a “soul minimalist.” Clear clutter and create space for silence. It’s this that sets a foundation for making decisions. “The world is run by worn-out people, and our soul is often lost beneath the piles of our everyday life.”
“Good decisions require creativity and creativity requires space. This space is necessary for you to speak out against the injustices you see in the world, the problems you know you can help solve, and the beauty you long to deliver.”Emily P. Freeman in The Next Right Thing
Her second concept is the powerful practice of naming the narrative. Naming those hidden things that are affecting our decision making. This has been a hard, painful process for me. Naming grief, disappointment, dead dreams, and anger are not easy, but the process of doing this and being honest with my emotions has been significant.
Freeman’s third foundational concept is examining our beliefs about God, discovering the disconnect between what we say we believe and how that works out in practice. This is an eye-opening exercise. While many of us say we believe and trust in God, our daily lives are more like those of practicing atheists. Inside we are a bit like two-year-olds convincing ourselves we can “do by self,” all the while on the outside we choose the right words and phrases to make our beliefs about God sound good and safe. What happens when we are honest, and we admit the disconnect between our actions and our beliefs?
Reading this book and taking an in-depth look at these concepts as I move forward in decision making has pushed me to grow in meaningful ways.
“Just because things change doesn’t mean you chose wrong in the first place.The Next Right Thing by Emily Freeman
When we left for Kurdistan, we had no idea that we would be back here a year later, trying to make sense of a dream cut short, of a closed door. It would be easy to look back and accuse ourselves of making the wrong decision in the first place. But I don’t think that’s true. I think we made the right decision.
I’m think we made the right decision for a lot of reasons – probably the most significant being who we became as a result of going. From learning more about empathy and incarnational living to being humbled by all the areas where we fell short, it was an important process in who we are and in who we are becoming.
I’m convinced God is less interested in where we end up then He is in who we are becoming. Whether we’re employed or unemployed, encouraged or discouraged, filled with vision or fumbling in the fog. More than anything, our Father just wants to be with us.The Next Right Thing by Emily Freeman
I have read and reread the words above – “Whether we’re employed or unemployed, encouraged or discouraged, filled with vision or fumbling in the fog. More than anything, our Father just wants to be with us.”
In closing, I think of an episode of the new season of The Crown that we watched last night. In this particular episode there is a tragedy that takes place in a mining town. Many have died, most of them children. The queen is slow to make the decision to go and there are many reasons and excuses as to why. When she finally does decide to go, it’s clear that people just want her to be with them, to bear witness to the pain they are going through, to sit with them in their sorrow.
“Our Father just wants to be with us…” No matter our decisions, whether they are big or small, whether they will change lives or just our next hour, these are words to live by.
3 thoughts on “Decision Making and Transition”
Yes, what happens when you decide to adopt a child and then within 4 years you find he is going to die young? Was it the wrong decision? Why did God allow that? And the 2 million smaller decisions after. Yes, soul minimalism. That is the end result for me. And that did not come easy for an ADHD.
Thank you Marilyn. Very wise words you share. I need to read this book! We too have struggled with decisions we thought were clear directions, only to be hurt, disappointed and crushed, and though we are on the other side of those particular chapters, still reflect back on the results of what happened, trying to make sense. But God does not ask us to make sense, does He? That is a human reaction and something I have come to realize only reinforces pain from the past. I have come to the place where I now try to look for the positive lessons that can be learned from painful periods in my life. And if I can share those lessons learned with others who are suffering in similar situations then I feel I can take something that was bad and turn it to something good.
Thank you so much Marilyn for this post… I will choose to sit with vulnerability, and make room for silence, so my soul is not lost beneath the piles of my everyday life. And as I sit… I shall pray for you too.