Dear Dad, I think you would have loved Mom’s birthday….

Dear Dad,

Soon after you died, I began planning Mom’s 90th Birthday. As I planned, I would periodically panic – something seemed to be missing. Now I know that something was a someone. It was you. Normally I would have talked to you about it, talked to you about what you would want to add, talked to you about the place and especially, the food! But that was impossible because you’ve been gone these seven plus months.

I remember last October how she told you she was going out to buy a dress with me and Stef.  You looked right at her and told her to buy two – one for your funeral and one for her 90th birthday. Even in the midst of your hard last days, you knew there needed to be a celebration. I think she knew you weren’t long for this world at that point – you were so willing to let go of money. Where you were going you wouldn’t need it!

I wanted to write to you today because I miss you and I think you would have loved Mom’s birthday.

We got together at an inn in Fairport, right near the Erie Canal. Family came from as far as Thailand, Kazakhstan, Istanbul, and Greece to as close as downtown Rochester, because movement, even with its high cost, is in our family’s DNA. The area was perfect and the weather even more so. The Inn on Church is at the corner of Church Street and South Main. The rooms are spacious and lovely, boasting all their original character with new amenities. There is a large wrap around porch with plenty of rockers and a sign that  invites people to sit a spell and join the “Porch Sitter’s Brigade”. Inside was enough space for 42 of us to congregate, first for breakfast on Saturday, followed by a late afternoon tea – something that you know Mom loves.

You would have loved the breakfast of fresh fruit, muffins, and a gorgeous frittata with bacon, potatoes, cheese, and just enough spinach to look healthy. We laughed and talked over breakfast, so much to catch up on since we last saw each other at your funeral. There was time and space to walk, go kayaking, sit and read, or play croquet in the back yard.

Early evening came and we gathered for a high tea of scones, bread, ham, salads, and cupcakes made by one of your granddaughter’s. The head table’s unseen guest was not Jesus, but you.

And then we celebrated Mom. We went through her life with poems, songs, skits, memories, and prayers. We laughed a lot and choked up some as we thought of you being gone.

It’s a long way from small town Winchendon to celebrating a 90th birthday, but it happened! Some of your grandsons began the program with a tale of Mom’s life until she went off to college. Your granddaughters did you proud as they reenacted the young Polly with a crush on Ralphie. There may have been references to a former girlfriend – Joyce – but they were quickly squashed as Aunt Ruth and Aunt Charlotte remembered your wedding and Aunt Ruth led us in singing “Saviour, Like a Shepherd Lead Us”. Her voice is beautiful; her spirit more so.  Still more of your kids and grandkids went through stages of her life – Pakistan, 8-Acre Woods, South Hadley, and then retiring in Rochester. A couple of your kids remembered you as a couple, one in a rhyme that would make your heart swell with pride. Singing and prayers for the past, present, and future finished the program.

Our hearts were so full – full of the joy of memories, full of the time with each other, full of the love that you and Mom so generously gave; the love that she continues to give.

And oh how we missed you. You would have loved celebrating the 90th birthday of the love of your life. These past months since you left us have not been easy for her. Losing you was like losing a couple of limbs and half a heart. Those losses would make anyone limp a little. No matter how much the rest of us love her, we can never love her quite enough, never love her the way you loved her.

But though she lives with these missing pieces, she still radiates joy, wisdom, and strength. She continues to pray for all of us; continues to reach out to others and allow others to reach out to her.

Toward the end of the program, your grandson, Michael, sang a hymn. He sang it with his beautiful, strong voice and though I know where you live there is extraordinary beauty and singing like we’ve never seen, from our still limited perspective his song was a taste of heaven.

I’ve included a verse for you, because I think these words may best express what your dear Polly is experiencing.

What though my joys and comforts die?
The Lord my Savior liveth;
What though the darkness gather round!
Songs in the night He giveth:
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of Heav’n and earth,
How can I keep from singing?

So what can we say? It was amazing, but we sure do miss you. 

15 thoughts on “Dear Dad, I think you would have loved Mom’s birthday….

  1. So beautifully written. Lovely photos. The best thing we can do for a parent in heaven is to lovingly care for the one left on earth. We are no substitute but we have to ensure celebrations and life continue. Those who left entrusted us with this. Well done.


  2. Precious….now I know what Carol and Dan were part of!

    On Tue, Jul 10, 2018, 6:09 PM Marilyn R. Gardner wrote:

    > Marilyn posted: ” Dear Dad, Soon after you died, I began planning Mom’s > 90th Birthday. As I planned, I would periodically panic – something seemed > to be missing. Now I know that something was a someone. It was you. > Normally I would have talked to you about it, talked to” >


  3. Nancy went to Heaven last month, so I am taking her off your mailing list. Blessings from Nancy’s sister Carol


  4. So wonderful to celebrate your mother’s life in such a beautiful way with all the family involved.
    Such a lovely letter to your dear daddy…💜


  5. This is such a thoughtful tribute to both your mom and dad, Marilyn. You captured, joy, heartbreak, laughter, sadness, and hope so beautifully. Thank you.


  6. Thank you so much, Marilyn, for all your work in organizing my birthday celebration. Yes, your Dad would have loved it. He always loved a party, or anything with a lot of people! The Inn was lovely, and perfect for our crowd. The program was perfect, including those fictitious elements (!) and so well geared to include the kids. Ruth’s song and the one Michael ended with – yes, so true, “How can I keep from singing?” Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


  7. Magnificent, Marilyn! Your word pictures of love and honor, of loss and sorrow, of family and commitment, and of love enduring beyond death are joyful, meaningful and achingly beautiful … truly, how can we keep from singing? XOX


  8. Wow what an incredible celebration! What a tribute. Thank you for the beautiful reflection Love PPaula



  9. Beautiful tribute, Marilyn.
    I did enjoy the live and lively party, thanks to the internet and FB. And thank those who made that possible.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This has to be some of your best writing! So beautifully expressed – the loss, the sorrow, the hope, the joy, the love, all woven together. The hymn words at the end….what marvelous truth!!


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