Dear Primary Care Provider:
I’ve wanted to write this letter for a long time, but never took the time. But after a morning coffee conversation with my 23-year-old daughter, I knew that I owed it to her and to the rest of the United States to write what I’ve seen, write what I know.
Because we’re frustrated. And it’s not your fault, but you are the face of medicine today. So I have a few things I want to say, and I’d like you to communicate these to your colleagues in specialty practices, to your staff, to your former professors, and to your administrators. Thank you ahead of time for listening.
- We don’t understand your language. You speak Doctor, and we speak The People. The dialects are completely different. We are smart and successful– but we don’t know what the heck you are saying. So train yourselves to speak with the people, not AT the people.
- We are so intimidated by you. Really. You frighten us. You come from a culture that is so rigid and inflexible – that would be the culture of western biomedicine – and we don’t know this culture. And your staff can be the worst. Pick your receptionists, medical assistants, and nurses carefully. Because they can make people feel so stupid and small.
- Our bodies sometimes scare us. Look, you study the body for a living. For most of us, high school biology was a long time ago.
- When we express something that feels important to us, we often feel dismissed. It’s a horrible feeling to have our vulnerability met by nonchalance. We need you to see the person behind the words; to hear the story beyond the symptoms.
- On that same note, I think you expect us to know more about our bodies than we do. We don’t. That’s why we come to you.
- Please ask us to repeat back what you have told us. That gives both of us an opportunity to clarify misunderstandings.
- We know you aren’t our friends, but we do talk about you at parties. We rave about you if you are good, and we tell people to steer clear if you aren’t. We are your best advertisments. All we ask is that in return you treat us with dignity and respect, and sometimes we feel like it’s missing.
- A little empathy goes a long way. And I think in the long run, you will realize that our visits will be shorter if you can express that empathy. I suggest you read The Empathy Exams and The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down.
- Culture matters. We view illness and health through a cultural lens. If you don’t get that, then you will fail as a true physician.
- After we leave you, we fight with our insurance providers. Because the fact is, the Affordable Care Act did not fix a broken system. It merely provided a bandaid. So two weeks after we see you, we usually get a bill. And that’s why we don’t keep follow up appointments. Because insurance is a multi billion dollar industry, and we can both agree that it runs healthcare.
We appreciate you and the work you have put into your education and our appointments. But we need you to know these things so that you don’t lose us.
A patient, a nurse, and a mom.
PS – please teach your staff how to take blood pressures properly….just sayin’….