All the reader sees is the finished product, punctuated by a picture that reflects the theme of the post. It’s well-groomed and ready for display.
But while housekeeping, indeed spring-cleaning, my soul I was struck by what I will call the ‘underbelly’ of the blogging world. I was convicted of how caught I have been in this underbelly – like a floundering insect entangled in the beautiful but deadly web of a spider.
For those of you who are not bloggers, which is most of my readers (and for that I am so grateful!) bear with me as I take you into this underbelly for just a moment. For those of you who do blog – I’m speaking our language.
It can be summarized in three words: Statistics, Link-ups, and Shares.
Statistics: No matter what platform you use, be it WordPress, Blogger, or another hosted site, there is an administrative page that gives you statistics. This page has numbers, graphs, data, and charts. It’s this page that will tell you how many views you have, how many unique visitors, where readers are from in the world, who read, how long they stayed, how many posts were read that day, that week, that month. It can be a fun page – when viewed in moderation and taken with a tall glass of confidence. But if not taken in moderation – this is an underbelly that sucks you in and bleeds you dry. At its most lethal, it makes you question your worth. You begin to believe that your worth is based solely on how many people have read your blog that day. This is a terrifying thought.
Mentions & Link-ups: CS Lewis in one of his writings speaks of something called “The Inner Ring”. He describes this as the hierarchies in the world and in the areas of expertise where we find ourselves. Every time we think we have reached the pinnacle, the highest place, the inner circle, we realize there is yet one more circle to penetrate. And so it goes – we never feel we will be inside that inner ring. It begins in elementary school with the popular kids, takes different forms as you get older, but always and forever it remains exclusive and feels elusive. It is capricious, this inner ring. One day you may be in it – and the next day you are outside of it.
And so it is with blogging. There are those who we perceive as being in the “inner ring”. They know each other and promote each others work. They do weekly links to each other’s blogs and get thousands of shares and likes on Social Media sites. And if we allow ourselves to enter and get caught up in the underbelly of the blogging world, we want to be in this ring – but it remains just out of reach. We write about the wrong stuff. We are just so far outside of this circle that we will always be relatively unknown. Or we are too old (It’s rare to find a successful blogger over 35) and therefore irrelevant.
“I believe that in all men’s lives at certain periods, and in many men’s lives at all periods between infancy and extreme old age, one of the most dominant elements is the desire to be inside the local Ring and the terror of being left outside.”
It’s easy to begin thinking it’s all about that inner ring – the mythical inner ring of the blogging world. We compare ourselves to those who we perceive are there, and we find ourselves wanting as we realize we are outside the ring, and will probably never enter it.
Shares: This underbelly is exhausting and never-ending. A place where we begin to judge our work and our worth based on the number of shares we have received on Facebook, Twitter, Linked-in, Digg, Stumbleupon, GooglePlus, Pinterest, Instagram, Tumblr….it is the underbelly of underbellies.
So what is the solution to avoiding this underbelly?
Identifying an area that needs work and a redeeming touch is only the first step. I have to be willing to either resist the underbelly or stop blogging. It’s that important.
And so I begin. Since Ash Wednesday I have not looked at the statistics page – Not once. It is so healthy. I don’t have a clue how many or how few have been coming by Communicating Across Boundaries. This past week I looked at only two other blogs, I stayed away from reading those who I perceive to be in the mythical inner circle, and was the healthier for it.
And I began praying specifically about blogging and writing, what it means to me, why it means a lot, what I would like Communicating Across Boundaries to be and more. It’s a journey and I have not arrived. But I do know that underbellies suck you in and before you know it, you are compromising to fit a mold. And molds have a way of stifling us instead of freeing us.
So this was one of the hidden places that needed to be cleaned and aired this past week. I wish I could say I am alive in this new found freedom, that my writing will reflect that and honor those of you who come by. But I’m more sobered than alive, more aware that I don’t want to waste your time – instead offering a space of light, rest, hope, and thought in the midst of a world that offers all kinds of underbellies that can catch us.
Thank you for listening.
“The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it. But if you break it, a surprising result will follow.” CS Lewis
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Marilyn R. Gardner 
I, for one, am glad that you’re over 35 and blogging (I am too, but just barely…) I think we all benefit from the wisdom of years, and you’ve certainly struck that chord here! I’ll revisit this post often :)
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Loved this Jody! You know – I came back and read it again and thought “I so need to remind myself of this!” What is it about who we are as humans that we so quickly forget? Think Israelites, Sinai, Wandering…….!
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Glad to hear you keep forgetting too :) It’s a struggle, but a good reminder!
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Oh my goodness. I am so glad I found your blog recently (that would explain the multiple comments in a short period of time, ha!). This underbelly idea is so true. I have really struggled with this the past two years, not only in blogging, but also in social media. I feel significantly better about it now than I did, say, last year at this time, when I had writers’ block for months (long story) and was really really insecure about the writing and the social media. Some stuff that happened on our recent furlough helped some in identifying for myself why it is that I write. And I think I know better now why I write, and I feel much more “back at the beginning” so to speak, back when I first started writing only for the purposes of keeping in touch with our friends and family (and processing some of that traumatic culture shock), back when I did it simply for the joy of it. For me, just being open to “inspiration” has helped. Not that I think my words are God-breathed, only that all talents are gifts from Him, He gives us our words, He gives us our heart. I write when I feel the inspiration, and I have removed a lot of pressure from my self. Listening to the promptings to write about certain things, not following what everyone else is writing about, viewing my writing as art that can be beautiful just because it exists and not because of who reads or shares it, treating it like a sacred thing between me and God, all those things have helped me feel more positive about this whole venture. (And like I said, a lot of those realizations happened when I went back to America.) Anyway, WOW, this got to be a long comment, but thanks for letting me put it all down somewhere. :) ~Elizabeth
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Yes. Yes. Yes! I am so grateful for this comment this morning…..Because recently I was sucked back into this smelly underbelly and it is so defeating! These words you wrote: ” Not that I think my words are God-breathed, only that all talents are gifts from Him, He gives us our words, He gives us our heart. I write when I feel the inspiration, and I have removed a lot of pressure from my self. Listening to the promptings to write about certain things, not following what everyone else is writing about, viewing my writing as art that can be beautiful just because it exists and not because of who reads or shares it, treating it like a sacred thing between me and God,” They are a perfect description of where I want my writing, indeed my entire life, to be. It’s far too easy to fall off away from this and get sucked in. I re-read this post after reading your comment and I realize anew that I either deal with this and cut off the hand that causes me to stumble, that causes me to go to this underbelly (in this case blogging) or I resist by looking at all of this in light of eternity, in light of who I am before God. Your comment helps me to do that. I feel like you’re a kindred spirit a couple decades younger :) So Thank you so.so.much for finding this piece!
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Oh my goodness, I have totally almost stopped blogging before, even going so far as to contemplate deleting anything I had ever published! (That was in a particularly bad time.) Again, this just describes writerly insecurities so well, and thank you for being brave and going ahead and saying it! I’m glad my comment blessed you, but you should also know I really feel a connection with your writing, and that blesses me too. :)
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I started blogging at the same time as a close friend of mine. She has become huge – she is probably the queen of the blogging world at this moment. But we’re no longer friends. She felt like I was infringing on her territory. A bunch of things happened that make me sad and feel terrible even now about my writing. She GOT this world, I never did. But she also cut ties to those of us in the real world that were no longer relevant to her or the growth of her blog. And as I watch all the hub-bub about her new book all over facebook, everwhere I turn, I am happy for her, but sad about the loss of a friendship. I think those are some of the stories of the ugly side of blogging.
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This is so poignant and as you rightly point out – so sad. How have you worked through it? By all accounts your blog and writing seem tremendous – well thought out, responsive to your readers, so much more. So what advice would you have? I’m really serious. I think you’ve probably worked through some stuff that I could learn.
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Honestly, I don’t know if I have dealt with it. It’s a struggle to get past the hurt, but it also puts a magnifying glass on my writing for me. It’s never reached others the way her words can. Imagine you were in Wham! but your friend was George Michael and you were… the other guy. What was his name? Yeah, exactly,
Everybody struggles with what you are going through in this post. And it’s hard to reach the audience you want who will engage with you and actively support you. Thank you for your kind words on my blog, but you are right, making it into the inner circles is HARD. People say keep writing good content, heck GREAT content, and you will reap the rewards. But it doesn’t always work that way, I think.
So I keep at it. And I have to make a conscious decision to not compare my journey to someone else’s. And I write content I believe in – I try not to be half-assed about it, because if I’m going to do it, I want to do it right whether it’s for one person or hundreds.
And it helps to find friends along the way. Glad we found each other.
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Thanks so much for your honesty – a rare trait and gift I would say. I especially like this: “I want to do it right whether it’s for one person or hundreds” – that resonates. And writing is so weird isn’t it? I’ll write something that I don’t think is that great or I didn’t put time into it or, or, or…..and wham, people end up liking it. Other times I put so much effort and it holds my whole heart and people don’t respond. Responses are fickle and capricious, like we as humans are. So glad we found each other. Oh – and I have a masala dabba that is one of my favorite possessions :) https://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/2011/09/16/my-masala-dabba/
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Marilyn, you emerged from your “housekeeping” with a wonderful clarity – like a soul-felt deep breath followed by a cleansing sigh. Thank you for this post that had me nodding all the way through. All the best, Terri
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Terri – what gracious words! Thank you. I do feel clearer and the way you describe this is perfect. Here’s to new found freedom that hopefully will last…! Alll the best to you as well!
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Lovely lady – thank you for sharing this truth about blogging. It was for this very reason that I allowed my blog to be silent for a while. I lost readers, but I found myself, my voice (how odd that I needed to leave the writing to find that?), and my rhythm. Blogging daily was hurting me, but not blogging at all hurt as well. It was good to find that out so that I could return with less ambition and more desire. :)
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Totally get this! Stopped writing and found your voice…perfect.
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I blog when i feel i have something to say or something to share, some of my blog posts have been about my life and family but others are on deeper topics. When i write these I do not feel they come from my limited understanding but from somewhere else, i am a tool nothing more. I have never bothered about statistics or belonging to the inner circle, I don’t even know if there is an inner circle. All my life i have not cared much about belonging to anything, because belonging is limiting. i do not want to be typecast or limit myself to anything. Just be myself and develop and grow till the day i die and keep on surprising myself. That keeps me happy. I think writing is a gift from God and a gift to be used without any sense of self just be grateful that He is using us in His own ways to to blog with honesty and integrity.
Adding some poems from Rabindranath Tagore’s poems in the Gitanjali, it has been a great favourite of mine for a long time
You have made me endless, such is your pleasure. This frail vessel you’ve emptied again and again, and filled it ever with fresh life.
This little flute of a reed you have carried over hills and dales, and have breathed through it melodies eternally new.
At the immortal touch of your hands my little heart loses its limits in joy and gives birth to utterance ineffable.
Your infinite gifts come to me only on these very small hands of mine. Ages pass, and still you pour, and still there is room to fill.
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I love this Pari – I love the recognition that the words come from somewhere else. There have been numerous times where I’ve gone back to my posts and thought “there is no way I wrote that” knowing they were words that God gave me at the time. Interesting that those are usually the ones that resonate. The spirit of God within all of us responding. Thank you.
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And yet…. I want people to hear what I’m saying, read what I’m writing, buy my damn books for heavens sake. What is healthy ambition, and what is being trapped in something that doesn’t matter?
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haha! I love this because I agree – we write because we want to have a voice. Healthy ambition is excellent – your comment reminds me a bit of the process you took us through with “The Arrogance of the TCK” piece. In there you said: “All of those things were fine in themselves. In fact, they were better than fine. They were good, worthwhile, valuable, necessary and community-changing. The problem was…” and I can change the end of that sentence to read “….when it takes over your life and defines your self-worth then perhaps it’s time I confessed and moved to a healthier place…” And for the record I love your writing.
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All true Marilyn. I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head when you say, “resist. . .or stop blogging altogether.” This is when my grip is a little too tight. I need to loosen my fist.
What you’re describing is truly a form of bondage and one that I occasionally fall into. It’s the enemy turning something that should be a blessing into a curse.
The ability to walk away is probably what keeps me from falling into full-fledged narcissism. Periodic breaks, so I can remind myself of all the good things in my life, that have nothing to do with my page views or comments.
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Yes – turning a gift into a curse which is what he excels in. I love your description of how walking away keeps you from falling into “full-fledged narcissism” SO perfect. Because we are so much more than our blogs. Thanks Darren.
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Yes! So true. I love CS Lewis’s Inner Ring picture that you shared. I’ve stopped looking at stats or shares. I now blog when I feel like it and I constantly have to resist the desire to blog to statistics or give people what they want OR avoid the topics people don’t comment on. I find this such a difficult underbelly to avoid, it takes constant work. I think already I felt like a failure before I started blogging but seeing it all put into statistics compounded that feeling. I go through times where I shrug my shoulders and decide that Real Life is more important and I don’t care and others when I just want to delete every social media account I am in in disgust.
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Oh how I relate with this!! “Giving people what they want” – I know I’m in trouble if I begin writing thinking – ‘oh people are gonna love this….’ and it rarely proves true!
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can i just say AMEN!!! i have to work hard to not allow myself to enter that entire world. I keep going back to my purpose in blogging – so grandparents and friends and family back home would know my kiddos… and to hopefully encourage and challenge others to think about different issues, all to the glory of God. my goals haven’t changed, i know who many of my readers are,and my goals remain the same. so, for the most part, i try to keep out of that underbelly world. thank you for this reminder because just because i try to avoid it doesn’t mean there aren’t days where i’m sorely tempted.
blessings.
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“Going back to my purpose in blogging” – Yes! that’s exactly it. Here’s to our journey of avoiding the underbelly.
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I am reading a book by Willian Zinsser and he talks about how Americans, especially, focus too much on numbers to fail. And lack of failure, or fear of it, leads to lack of risk-taking and creativity, which leads to mediocrity and the mundane. Thanks for this coinciding reminder today. And the reminder to pray over the words we put out.
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That’s so interesting. In my world of public health numbers matter and I am always bothered that we take so much stock in numbers and forget the narrative. So if people are good at putting together statistics, have outcomes, show measures they are more likely to get funded….If someone can only show a compelling story – it doesn’t work in our western world. And yet the stories are what matter and last. The numbers change, sometimes dramatically, from day to day. The stories and what is going on in our hearts and worlds do matter – do last. Thanks Rachel. You are one of my inspirations these days. Love that your perspective takes me to Djibouti every day.
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Ain’t it so! Great is His mercy and paradoxical nature — what is good can be twisted bad and what is bad can be twisted good. Peace and joy are found in the tension.
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The words “mercy and paradoxical nature” – perfect! Thank you.
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You are a brave and beautiful woman! Love your honesty and willingness to look in the mirror to what the reflection says…
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This makes me smile. Thank you. Where I need help is doing something beyond being honest – really working at what I see :)
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Marilyn, your perspective is so unique, and your commenters so insightful. I almost never even read comments on blogs where there are more than about ten comments per post, much less get involved in dialogue. You have a beautiful niche, and I love the way you draw in perspectives other than your own through guest posts and discussions about articles elsewhere that challenge you. The honesty and humility (and relative quietness) here draws me back. May you find yourself renewed.
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Tracy – thank you so much. I’m reading these words early morning and the encouragement to “find myself renewed” is so perfect. There are shadows under my eyes and I feel a bit worn down in other areas of life. I’m so thankful for this comment.
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Thanks for posting this, Marilyn. I’m so new to blogging I haven’t had time to figure out the underbelly of stats, and now I don’t want to. So far, I’ve focused on getting the writing done. But I can see how the other aspects could take over your life. I will resist that! I love what Ed had to say about all this too. :-)
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Yes to just focusing on the writing. As I said on Facebook – that is why I am so glad to have your example right now. That’s where I want to get back to. Thanks Jenni.
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Thank you for this post. I agree with other readers that, although I am not a blogger, what you say here absolutely DOES apply to me and my life. That underbelly is real in virtually any circumstance; it is the “things of the earth” that sometimes compete with what is God to me. I read every single day, and even when I don’t comment, I find something worthwhile and meaningful in your blog. Today that is truer than true!
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Thank you – “the things of the earth” yes! And if I’m truly honest I can see all kinds of areas where this has crept up on me.
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Thank you for voicing something I know we all struggle with. I’ve been taking a wee break from blogging for this very reason….it was starting to weigh on me rather than be a source of freedom and creative delight! Comparison creeps up so insidiously, doesn’t it?
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Insidious is the perfect word. Thanks Valerie. Encouraging to be in this together.
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Our father among the saints, C.S. Lewis!
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Yes! And I love this particular lecture. I love the way he starts with “middle-aged moralist”
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Just posted this on FB, not sure if your comments get shared between platforms. [hope this double comment doesn’t mess up your statistics!]
There’s an old joke aimed at preachers: “Now you’re meddling…” This post is about so much more than blogging. You’re really talking about the underbelly of life, aren’t you? Whether its how well my first grader is doing or how many kids are coming to my Youth Group program or what my Amazon sales ranking is, the issue is the same.
I suppose part of the answer is to focus on doing the thing (whatever it is) for its own sake, which is really the code of the craftsman, isn’t it? And to remember that the praise of one person who really knows your craft (and God, of course) is worth many thousands of “likes” from others.
[Yes, you get a Like from me… :) ]
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Yes! It is so much about life. From play group comparisons of potty-training to older adult comparisons of how well our adult children are doing it can, as Lori said below, keep us captive. I love the reminder of the craftsman. So true. and that’s more than the idea of “playing for an audience of one” which I think is too cliche. Because really if we draw, paint, play and instrument, write – we do want others to recognize our art. It’s when that becomes the only reason or takes over that we are in trouble. And for the record – your words mean a great deal!
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Amen!! It’s amazing the things that keep us captive.
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Right?? Bound in chains and locked with a key! Thank God for freedom and also the grace to recognize captivity when we see it.
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A constant battle throughout all aspects of our lives, not just blogging. Our need for significance!! Our pastor periodically preaches on our need for security, satisfaction, and significance and how God is all we need. However, we are human and that need for significance can needle us!….in any format! Keep writing, Marilyn. God has given you a gift with words and insights. Thank you!
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Exactly – it hit me as I was writing it that this is about so much more than blogging – and many of you have pointed that out. And thank you for your words of affirmation. They are sweet to my ears and generous for my soul.
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Great post. Thanks for sharing. Although, I don’t think I’ve actually thought about it that way. I just try to remind myself to have fun with it :) (It is fun looking at the stats though!)
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YES to the fun part! That’s why it has bothered me so much that I have lost perspective. Because it can be really fun! Thanks for coming by.
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I bless your resistance of the underbelly! Well written Marilyn. Stick to your convictions! You have my full support….!
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Couldn’t do it without you Robynn! thanks for being my partner in all things writing.
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I have found that there is an Inner Ring in every part of life–or there seems to be. Often it is simply those who know have known each other a little better or a little longer. Sometimes it is simply those who have reason or circumstance to be in communication more often and form deeper relationships. Other times it is a leadership group at church or even the Inner Ring in a small group. Sometimes it really is a clique, but oh so often it is our own weak self worth, our own broken measuring stick as one blogger put it, that makes us look at the Inner Ring of someone else instead of forming our own Inner Ring.
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That is CS Lewis’ point as well. I love the picture of the ‘broken measuring stick’ – so true. It’s also why I love the last quote by CS Lewis so much – “It will break your hearts, unless you break it!….” Thanks for this comment and your insight Carol!
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