It seemed to me that it was at the 100th Alleluia that I finally let my guard down, put the tension and burdens of the week at the foot of the cross, began to look up instead of down and across.
Sometimes it takes a hundred Alleluias – sometimes it takes a thousand.
Somewhere during the process of saying the words I allowed myself to give up being a poor substitute for a deity and allow God to be God. I began to give up my need to control and offer up reins and a mouth bit to a Holy God. I realized that the depth of my heart cried out for miracles, even as my head refused to believe they were possible.
It’s at that hundredth Alleluia and the fiftieth ‘Lord Have Mercy’ that my soul begins to believe the words and rest in the God who made me – the Giver of all Life.
Today? Today it make take a thousand. But of this I am assured, the resting will come.
Related articles
- The Alleluia After Epiphany (prayers4reparation.wordpress.com)
Marilyn R. Gardner 
Repetition is truly the mother of learning and also, we might add, of prayer. The intention of our heart is the only thing which renders the repetition vain.
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Letting go and letting God take the reigns is a scary but somehow deeply peaceful experience. I need to gift myself with letting go more often.
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Thanks so much for this – so true. How are you?
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Doing pretty good. I seem to have a head med combo that is working for me. :))
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Oh I know well the head/med thing! Totally get it and glad for this.
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