I Am Full

As I sleepily make my way through security at Chicago’s Midway Airport I am barely aware of those around me. I left Illinois Beach Resort early this morning and I am full.

Full of appreciation for the reminder of my heritage, a heritage that spans the globe but emphasizes Pakistan. Full of laughter and conversation, full of thoughts and hope, full of food.

It was that kind of weekend – one that is not easily replicated. I roomed with a high school friend and we talked so long into the night that we fell asleep on our words. I was reminded of a silly adolescence by some high school teachers who, even as they reminded affirmed me in who I am today. I broke bread with some of my favorite people on ever earth. I ate Pakistani food until my eyes popped and I indulged in that oh so favorite childhood activity of midnight feasts. Yes. At 52 I had midnight feasts.

So I am full. And also a bit frightened, because returning to my world does not hold a fraction of the connection I felt this weekend. I feel a bit like the disciples on the Mount of Transfiguration when they longed to cling to the moment, to build a memorial and live within. But to be full means you can go out nourished and able to move forward.

So as I board my flight I cling to the heritage I have, the people who have modeled and loved and walked beside me and the recognition that memorials are made of stone or steel or granite and real life is made of flesh and blood, tears and smiles, sorrow and joy.

I am indeed full.

7 thoughts on “I Am Full

  1. Nicely expressed –

    What might be added to your thoughts is that while you (we!) are so full and so rich, many of those around us are empty and hungry for the kind of experiences we can so easily take for granted. Part of the point of leaving the mountain is to be able to feed those around us just a bit, perhaps by helping them (sorry, have to change the metaphor here) to begin to build a web of relationship such as we have been given, and really only had to maintain and occasionally repair. The irony is that so often we’ve complained about having to do those repairs or fussed that the web wasn’t as perfect as we hoped or thought it was without realizing what life would be like without it.

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  2. SO SO good to see you again after all these years and to “midnight feast” with you last night! Here’s to more connection in the future!

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    1. It was so wonderful! I’m picturing your beautiful face while typing this comment. My hope is that it will be very soon that we see each other again! I paid for the midnight feast today….but so worth it! I hope you had a great trip back and that return is kind to you. xox

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