Sometimes truth slaps you in the face and you recognize it as truth, going away revived and restored instead of whimpering and whining. I went through a bit of a crisis recently and the quote below was used as a slap of truth. I adapted it from something else and made myself a sign, a sign to keep this truth alive.
Blogging is not a competition and life is not a competition. It’s far too easy for me to look at others and, defying my Creator, ask why I am not as successful, talented, articulate, smart, or as good a blogger as the ‘other’ person. The adjective I insert is open game, depending on what day it is and how I’m feeling; not a healthy way to live. Truth is that there is a story that I alone am created to live. We are not here to live another’s story.
What about you? If you’re a blogger, do you relate? If not, take out the word ‘Blogger’ and fill in the [blank]! Tell us what word you filled in? Parent? Teacher? Nurse? Student? Musician? Physician? Barista? What makes it hard for us to live our own story?
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Marilyn R. Gardner 
Thank you, Marilyn, for this sign and these thoughts. I have put this on my desktop as a constant reminder. I was inspired by this concept by Steve Jobs’ speech to the Harvard graduates and have used it often when I do something regretably silly, stupid, or embarrassing. I can use it to add a smile to my imperfection: “No one else can flub like this. I’m special!” Somehow, it works for me.
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“add a smile to my imperfection” love that. I have struggled for quite some time with the comparison game. In recent years I feel I’ve grown up a lot but there are those days when the ugly comparison head surfaces. Thanks for adding your honest thoughts. For me the confession of this sort of thing brings me to an honesty and with honesty I can face it head on. To change the subject – I saw you went to Avengers! What fun! What’s your honest opinion on that?!
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It couldn’t have been better. The heart, even pathos, of each character took it far beyond a “superhero” movie. To see Tony Stark become a self-sacrificing hero, Natasha trying to atone for her past, Dr. Banner struggling with his anger; for each to come to respect the others, to acknowledge their need of each other, and then to support and encourage each other in their very specific abilities — I wish we could see that kind of teamwork in our world.
And you? What did you think?
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Every morning I check my email — expecting another gift of words from communicating.across.boundaries. And I’m never disappointed.
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Thank you for these words of affirmation. Truly.
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So good to be reminded of this! It’s such a temptation for me, to compare how I’m doing – whether it’s academically, or in my job – to someone else that I view as doing better than I am. And that only leads to a endless striving … and I don’t want to come to the end of my life only to realize that I spent so much time living for other people’s approval!
I think the only way to be truly free, truly happy, is to live knowing that we’re already approved – not by man, not by those around us, but by the God who created everything we see. And I think that’s pretty awesome, don’t you? ;)
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Jessica – so true. Someone described it as being “bent” toward man. And when you’re bent you can’t look up. I think it’s something I’ll continue learning as long as I live. Glad to have company on this journey.
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Man, it’s like you read my mind. I constantly feel that I am not working hard enough at my degree, even though at the same time I’m not sure if I could feasibly try any harder – this means I always compare myself to my awesome sister and my awesome housemate, both of whom are amazingly bright, have incredible work ethics and are real high-achievers. I am so proud of both of them and am always really happy whenever they do well, and yet often feel inadequate by comparison. I also have an unfortunate habit of befriending beautiful people, so often feel like a bit of an ugly duckling. But I can only look like me, and I can only do work my way – I can’t compete with them, just as they can’t compete with me! As always, great post :-)
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I had such a similar experience where my brothers and all my friends did so brilliantly in school. It has taken me a long time to be ok with that and to find my voice. I think you are a much quicker learner than I. Great to hear your voice on this blog!
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Marilyn, I do so love your honesty and your writing. While I personally have not experienced this around blogs, as you say we all tend to feel it about something in our lives at some time or another.
Just the past week or so I’ve been chuckling about a comment from an audience member in a large presentation I made over 1 1/2 years ago. I overheard her saying, after my speech, “She’s no ___ (insert name of person who had presented to the group the previous year). At the time my rational mind laughed, because of course I am not that other person; I’m me. But, in my heart and ego the comment really hurt, after I’d given my all. Funny how this comment has suddenly come back to visit me so many months later, but in a much wiser, less emotional way. Spirit works in mysterious ways.
The other comment I’d like to make is around your direct point, though. It is really fascinating to me how a culture of bloggers has developed. I have several friends who started blogs as a hobby, and it has risen to define their lives in some ways (of course that’s only my perspective). Their vacations often involve blogging conferences and other bloggers, somehow almost everything they do in life they seem to look at with “is this blog-worthy” eyes. Hobbies have long consumed many of us, so I suppose that is nothing new, and I suppose some blogs are actually businesses and make money for their owners. But it is a fairly new phenomenon and interesting to witness.
Finally, I will also share that, on my personal/family blog, I recently had a good friend and big-time blogger respond very cruelly to a post I’d written. I knew it was due to some jealousy she was allowing herself to feel, and it was so sad to see. Somehow we don’t need yet one more space in which to feel inadequate in this world! I guess I can turn that around and say, hooray, one more space that provides opportunity for us to grow. ;)
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Wow – I am still processing the wisdom of this comment. First – it’s now my turn to thank you for your honesty. When I give my all, and there is an assault on my all, it hurts for a long time. A few years ago while doing a workshop on culture and health care, something I’ve done hundreds of times, I lost my words. Really lost them for about 6 months. My mouth would dry up, I wasn’t clear. I could speak on anything else and do a great job but not that subject. In talking with a good friend I realized that it was because I cared so much. I didn’t really care at the heart and soul level about the other topics – I hadn’t lived them. But because I had lived this – I lost my ability to communicate. Thankfully it passed but I won’t soon forget that feeling. Second – on blogging. You are so right on. I started this as a hobby – I don’t want it to take over my life. I don’t want to spend all my time clicking “like” on other blogs just so I can get readers, clicking like when I haven’t even read a piece….that is so wrong. It’s the need to constantly re-evaluate and see what place this is taking. I purposely took off the word ads because I don’t want to measure success by earnings. So your words hit me at a deep level. And I think your observation is astute because I believe other hobbies are different simply because a blog is more accessible than most other hobbies. Third – So true – one more space to feel inadequate – so wrong. Like seeing someone’s pictures on Facebook and instead of being able to enjoy them, feeling envious of their time. So thank you – this comment meant so much to me. It’s a conversation I would love to continue.
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Hmm. Is your sign deliberately created to look a little bit army/combat-ish? It’s giving me an unconscious feeling of fighting. How do you see it?
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So funny that you say that – I used the “stencil” font…..Maybe not a wise choice?? Now that I look at it it does have the look of “I dare you” – Maybe I should make another……?
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Well, you’re always welcome here. By the by, we do live in the most beautiful part of Australia.
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darn it. that one above should be replying to the other thread. On THIS topic, I suppose it depends what motivates you more -peaceful space or competition?
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Peaceful space is definitely more motivating :) I think I’ll redo the sign and send to you!!
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Can I please have your sign? I compare myself with you every day.
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Oh NOOO! You are so much more thoughtful a writer! We need to have tea together!
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Goodness, I wouldn’t have said that. Anyway, we are obviously the mutual admiration society. So, when are you coming to Australia?
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Going to Australia and to the other place over there :) has been a dream of mine. In Cairo our best friends were from New Zealand …time to look up tickets!
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me too!!
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No. NO. No. The two of you are so gifted….it’s you who inspire me.
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