instead of sending us some tired cliché, God sent Christ. The Word, John called Him. He had hands and feet, dust-covered from all that walking...
In 1996 every Christian cliché we had ever heard, every Christian promise we had ever read and every thing we had ever believed was called into question.
We left Cairo, Egypt in June of that year with 26 suitcases, 5 kids and a cat. We had a whole lot of faith that this was what we were supposed to do, but beyond that we didn’t know much. We left friends, a church community like none we’d ever known, furniture, a home, schools, the Nile river and all that is Egypt. We arrived in Washington D.C in a hot summer and moved into temporary living in a small, two bedroom apartment near Capital Hill.
Within a week, all that we thought was secure was gone. The job that we had been so grateful for ended after three days, the savings that we had carefully set aside began to be eaten (literally) and our hearts, that had been so ready, began to grow cold with ice and fear.
We had 5 children to support, no home and no job prospects in sight. Besides this, our marriage had taken a heavy beating the year before and all this threatened to undo us.
All those clichés – “Just pray about it!” “Are you in the Word?” “God never closes a door without opening a window!” “Just remember Romans 8:28!” “You guys are strong! You’ll get through this!” “God is good, all the time!” Every cliché was challenged. Every last one of them felt like fire bombs thrown at us when we were already burning. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout obscenities about all of them. My hurt and fear and pain felt so deep – and the only things available were clichés.
But I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I got a rash all over my body. Hives. Every night I itched until I felt raw. I would stay up at night confessing all the sins that I knew of and then began on those that I didn’t know of, because somehow I knew it was something we were doing wrong.
Only it wasn’t.
It was just what it was. Life. Life in its uncertainty. Life with its ups and downs. Life with its bad and good. We weren’t doing anything wrong. We were just living, and there was uncertainty, and God was still there.
He wasn’t in the rote phrases. He wasn’t in the clichés. He wasn’t, dare I say it, in the Bible verses.
He was in the meals provided for us once or twice a week by friends who would let us come and rest and swim at their community pool. He was in the calamine lotion that soothed the rash. He was in the telephone calls that came from my brother and sister-in-law, my mom and dad. He was in visits to the rural areas of Virginia where wild flowers were in full bloom and my friend Cary, with her love of beauty, cooked and created. He was in our kids, who coped like they were on an extended holiday.
His feet were “dust-covered” as he walked in our footsteps, feeling what we felt, hearing what we heard and ever speaking, ever whispering “I am who I am and no cliché will ever capture that” “I am who I am and nothing will ever change that”
“I am who I am – I am the Christ, Son of the Living God”.
*article from “Shoot” Christians Say*www.relevantmagazine.com
Marilyn R. Gardner 
And…I am spending a lot of time right now pondering the well-meaning things other believers are telling me as well…and thinking, I will never be capable of a normal conversation again. When they say, “It will all work out…” I can say what I really think which is, “It may not.”, and totally ruin a sweet moment…or I can lie and agree…or I can just keep my mouth shut. No wonder Job, when faced with the deep mysteries of why we suffer and how things play out in reality, just stopped talking. Thank you for not stopping:) And for the blog encouragement you have sent my way. I am truly grateful.
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The best sermon I ever heard on Job was from my brother. He stopped the sermon right at the point where Job is basically saying “My life sucks”. He said that our human tendency is to get to the end of the story, but he wanted us to stop right there with Job and sit with him in all his questions and misery because that’s what it’s like. We see the end of the story when all is restored, but in those words Job didn’t. And you are so right – it may not work. Yes it will work in light of eternity, but it’s living in the inbetween – one blogger put’s it The Messy Middle – “Redeemed from permanent muck and live with the tension of the Already and Not Yet.” http://www.messymiddle.com/about/ Thinking of you today..
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Thank you for sharing this. I understand. And I get emotional myself reading your beautifully written story. Thank you for sharing it with me.
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Somehow I missed this post but have to comment now because it means to much to me . . . As often as I am inspired by sacred literature or by testimonials of faith by others, I am far more inspired by the living presence of God in others. Those “angels unaware” are the ones who lift me up, because in them, I truly see the face of God. Thanks for this achingly beautiful story and your thoughts on how we can best offer faithful support to one another. XOX
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you’re a courageous woman to share this, marilyn. i wish we could have been there more for you….
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You were there! And you continue to be. You can only be let in as much as a person will allow, but you accepted that. xox
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My heart, too, was touched as I read this and could truly empathize with you as we have faced some of those same events wondering, clinging to hope and trust and on the back side found Him faithful though men (including ourselves) unfaithful. That is why I am so amazed at the grace of God witnessed especially through the lives of our children. I am amazed, often, that they did not turn their backs on the Lord, when they as teens went through the pain alongside us, yet with resilience. And just maybe that is what was needed to mold, shape, and teach compassion and mercy because it has not been sunshine and roses. How can things change so suddenly when we were just trying to do what was right or follow Your direction? This is a question we learn to live with, that most often will not have an answer. What sweet memories of kindness shown, simple pleasures and a place to call your home. We did not pack up and move, or like you just arrive from a long voyage, but we stayed in the same location for our children, an ever present and painful reminder. But time makes those memories a bit less painful and now your post gives me another perspective. During the most painful of days, the psalms were my comfort and consolation. My husband, he was the one who got the hives. The yearning of our heart remains to be able to be useful to Him who does all things well and not be shelved or put out to pasture. Yes, those days were life, real life, the kind that reminds us we’re are all a part of this broken and downtrodden world. It tells us, that we are not above or immune to the pain and enables us to comfort others with the comfort we received. Yet there are times we are even blinded to the comfort sent from Him through his servants to us. Thank you for giving another window into your life, your world and your faith.
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I was so moved by this comment – and it made me pause and think about how staying after a particularly hard piece is just as hard, or harder, then leaving. Thanks for being candid and sharing. I would love to sit down with a cup of tea or coffee and talk. So much in common! And I so echo your yearnings- to be used is the yearning of our heart as well. The Biblical characters give me much hope as we are given a clear picture of their humanity juxtaposed with their desire to love God. “The march of the unqualified” I think I’ve heard it said. Must go but thank you!
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Wow. Just wow. I read that and just felt like crying awhile. That’s so true! The times that I have truly seen Jesus, have been times when I was desperate. Times when I couldn’t find Him, so to speak, in Bible verses – but I saw Him in the smile of a friend, in a simple cup of coffee on a hard day, a random text that cheered my heart … even in a toddler, running ahead of her mom on a city street. A friend told me recently that he sees Jesus in the eyes of every man, and I think that’s so good to remember.
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Thanks Jessica – that was exactly it. So appreciate you reading and commenting. These more personal posts always give me a moment of insecurity. I am so grateful for your reading and understanding!
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Really appreciate this reflection, Marilyn. I’m always drawn to the poetry of Genesis: “In the beginning was the Word…”, and I am also so drawn to the realness (fleshiness) of Jesus’s birth and life. Like you, I don’t see how all the verses in the Bible could ever convey the power of God’s acts of living a life in flesh and blood — how radical it was to be dependent on and vulnerable to other real humans. Today I find it incredibly moving to consider how the creator chose and chooses not to stay in a gated community, separate from the aches and pains of his diverse creation. It’s not that he/she can fix everything to make evil, injustice, suffering and pain disappear, but that he/she values (profoundly) process, love and empathy!
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[I meant the poetry of Genesis and John with regard to the beginning and the word… I do appreciate the power of the word/poetry very much indeed.]
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I think I got what you meant! And yes…Poetry is Necessary. Even (or most especially) in the Bible!
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Thank you Nancy! I love your words about the gated community – that he didn’t choose to stay there, but came out to the world beyond. Now that’s a blog post!! I am especially honored that you would read my words while in the amazing setting you are currently in….thank you!
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Life is a constant battle, one way or the other.
But through it all we learn without doubt that God is wih us
God is within … in the very being.
thanks for the share :)
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As always Marilyn you do have a way of reminding us that God walks with us every step of the way and every moment of every day. I try never to forget it even through the toughest of times. As you have rightly said life is full of uncertainties but the certainty of having God walk with me keeps me aloft :-)
Stay blessed Marilyn!
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Thanks, Marilyn, for your thoughts and comments! What a good reminder that God shows himself in simple, unexpected ways. We have good memories of that summer when your car would come honking down the farm lane — laughter, talking, eating, reflecting.
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So fun! The red van scaring the cows. And always Raspberry Danish.
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Cliche toting friends are no friends at all, whether they be Christians or not! Give me a good heathen in the midst of trials! Its better for my faith…. :)
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Oh well said Pegi!! And you’ve had your share of the cliche toting is my guess. Carrying those cliches like Longchamps bags…..Love you and would so love to sit down and hear about all these.
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Just beautiful… Thank you for sharing and being so transparent … I can remember a season early on in my Christian walk when a very troubled man began to relentlessly stalk me. I was about at the end of my rope with fear. The Christians I did tell about my situation were filled with advice and the cliches were not stop. They most always cut like a knife and made me feel as if somehow I must have brought this all on myself. They said things like … He is a thorn in your side … Turn the other cheek … Jesus tells us to forgive … When you are weak God is strong … Every time a cliche was delivered by someone I thought was a friend … The knife cut me just a bit deeper …Their “help” was so damaging… Somewhere in the midst of this season I realized I didn’t need anything but to cling steadfastly on to the Lord … and just like your season, He surrounded me with Himself and brought me out the other side. I vowed that I would hopefully remember to never throw out cliches to others, but instead just offer my love and my presence…
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I hate and love this story simultaneously. Hate it because of how wrong it was to give you cliches when what you needed was Him in the form of Them. Love it because you are so honest, and because it has made you into who you are today – someone that can walk the long path with people pointing them to a cross. That summer I resolved to never use cliches again – so if I do…will you catch me?!!!
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He was. He is. He always will be! Thanks for the reminder, Marilyn.
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Big smile to you Bettie! Thank you.
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